Where I come from, smoking is not a gendered thing, tobacco is for everyone.
Growing up I always found women who smoked a lot attractive maybe because they were few or I could never ...
Thoughts shifting…
Drafts drifting….
Pain quenching….
Emotion drenching..
Mind silencing …
This was what my addiction used to feel like…
Like I was finally doing something about it…
Like I was reaching out to that deep pit I had fallen into and finally held my own hand…
Saved Myself.…
From Myself…
It felt like prickling an over blown balloon and instead of it blowing up it just peacefully released…
Slowly…
Like that deep breath you take after a long day…
Like the relieving stretch you take when you wake up…
That’s what my beautiful blade was to me…
A sign that I got this…
Like an armor in a sword fight that makes you feel rather safe even though you know it might not end well…
People think that my addiction meant I was addicted to constantly trying to kill myself but I actually was addicted to the constant need to “save” myself from the pain I was feeling….
And today even though I know it’s still a struggle I have…..
I wear my SCARS on my sleeves because they remind me of the struggles I face behind closed doors…
And since I am finally getting the hang of living my authentic life ….
I acknowledge myself in all forms …
I wish one day you will too
May I simply say what a relief to uncover somebody that really understands what theyre discussing over the internet. You certainly know how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people really need to check this out and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that youre not more popular because you certainly have the gift.